Your self assessment reveals that it’s unlikely that attachment wiring, rooted in self-abandoning behavior, is a primary driver in your relational struggles. While you have occasional moments of self doubt in your marriage, it’s not a habit that has been wired into your sense of identity. 

You still have need for deepened clarity about what’s possible in this marriage, before you make a decision to stay or go, but instead of focusing on updating expired attachment wiring, you’d likely benefit from:

• Reviewing your personal values & goals, to determine how the current marriage is (or is not) in alignment, so you have clarity on the marriage strengths & opportunities. 

• Identifying ways in which you are, or are not, embodying your personal values (which impacts your ability to achieve your goals) and removing the habitual mental, emotional & behavioral blocks to that embodiment, so you can change what’s in your power to change, and reassess the marriage from a confident & empowered state. 

• Applying new practices in self awareness & communication, so you can clearly, directly and honestly express your perspectives, needs and desires in a collaborative & constructive way, while honoring your boundaries and nervous system.

How To:

Self Study —

You can find a number of books, videos and podcasts on how to identify your personal values, habit formation & change, nervous system regulation, and building your capacity for productive  non-violent communication, etc; and obviously, there’s always ChatGPT. 

All of this will take a considerable amount of time and effort spent in trial & error; finding relevant information, teasing out what’s useful to you, and applying new ideas that may or may not by the best means by which to achieve your specific goal, but everything you need to know, to get the clarity you want, IS out there.

Therapy —

It will time to find a therapist who you click with, and who’s taking on new clients. Additionally, conventional therapy is very slow-going. While some therapists are more tools-oriented than others, therapy is generally more focused on reflection & analysis, rather than action. Ultimately, therapy WILL yield results, as long as you’re willing to take a slower route. It’s also important to note, that the help you need for finding marriage clarity, isn’t necessarily something that requires mental health services; this is something you need to determine for yourself.

Coaching —

This is the fastest path. Coaching isn’t therapy; it’s focused on creating change while grounded in the PRESENT moment; through application versus analysis. While your past may be useful to that end, it’s not the main focus. Coaching focuses on helping clients achieve specific outcomes, in a specific amount of time, using a variety of methodologies and practices to achieve the goal. Because you have a SPECIFIC goal of achieving clarity about whether to stay or leave your midlife marriage, a Coach will focus specifically on offering strategies & practices to quickly & efficiently achieve that desired outcome. Based on your 14 Signs Self-Assessment score, it’s likely you’d be extremely successful with coaching.

To determine if coaching is the best path for achieving your goal at this time, I invite you to book a complimentary consult. 

In this 45 minute phone call, we’ll explore the specifics of your midlife marriage struggle, your goals, as well as identify immediate opportunities for how you can get clarity on whether staying or leaving your midlife marriage is the right choice for YOU. 

To book your consult, click the button below to fill out a consult application form, and schedule your call. 

Looking forward to connecting with you!

Always in your corner,

Stephanie

P.S.Consults are only for women seriously considering coaching as an investment in their future. Appointments are limited, and book up quickly. Thank you in advance for honoring my 24 hour cancellation policy; no-shows will not be offered the opportunity to reschedule.