Below are 14 Signs You're Suffering From Expired Attachment Wiring in Your Midlife Marriage.....

*Commonly experienced by married midlife women who were raised in alcoholic, narcissistic, codependent (dysfunctional) homes.

(*adapted from The Laundry List of Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families)

Count how many you recognize in yourself, then check that against the results at the end.....

Does This Sound Like You?

1. You feel like yourself—easygoing, grounded, confident—in every area of your life except your marriage. There, you feel anxious, self-doubting, and disempowered.

    

2. When your partner seems unhappy or judges your choices, you secretly feel like you want to crawl out of your skin. Their disapproval feels critical—and you can't stand, that you can't stand it.

    

3. You tend to minimize, and talk yourself out of what you want or need in the relationship -- it feels easier to just go with the flow, to keep everyone else happy. You're fine.

    

4. Somewhere along the way, you started walking on eggshells in your marriage; second-guessing simple decisions, and feeling emotionally alone in the relationship... and you don't know when it started, or why.

    

5. You know what you want to change in your marriage—but you don’t ask for it because:

   * You question if you’re asking for too much, or want something you don't actually "need"
   * You literally can’t get the words out
   * For any number of reasons, you don’t feel like you have the right to ask

    

6. You over-function in your marriage—and in life. You often do more than you want to, because you feel like you HAVE to. As a result, you often feel exhausted & resentful... but you won't change it, so you just keep pushing through.

    

7. You struggle to say what you really think, and ask for what you truly want, in your close relationships; setting & protecting boundaries (with other people AND yourself) are HARD for you; you feel guilty.

    

8. You're hyper-aware of what others are thinking & feeling, especially your partner, so you’re always busy "doing" for others, rushing to be on top of everything, but always feeling behind.

    

9. You want to relax, receive, and let your partner lead more—but you're afraid they'll drop the ball, and you don't want the guilt or blame if things don't go well. 

    

10.  You know your childhood wasn’t ideal—but your parents “did the best they could,” and you've left it in the past. Your husband isn't like your Dad... so there shouldn’t be a connection... right??

     

11. You have high expectations for yourself, and beat yourself up when you miss the mark. People think you're confident—but secretly, you feel inadequate, and can be overwhelmed by shame...you would NEVER speak to anyone that way you can speak to yourself.

     

12. When you're hurt, disrespected or neglected in the relationship, you take it as a cue to try harder or shut down; a normal fight can make you feel like you need to start packing your bags. Conflict feels like catastrophe.

13. Your relationship has patterns that keep it going—but not growing. Cycles of conflict, withdrawal, and temporary repair create emotional highs and lows... but there's no meaningful evolution; he doesn't seem to be growing, and the relationship doesn't seem to be deepening in intimacy or emotional connection.

     

14.  You feel like you’re constantly reacting to your marriage (and even your life)... instead of consciously creating it.