Self Care isn't what they told you...

Self care looks like…. lying down on the kitchen floor, crying, moaning, hearing yourself speak words that part of you believes, while another part knows better, but allowing it all any way.

Allowing.

Allowing yourself to feel all the feelings that your mind finds “useless” and “unhelpful” is self care.

“Useless” & “unhelpful” are judgments of an inner critic program, that was installed decades ago, to insure that you were never without an authority to keep you in line, and up to snuff.

Keep you in line for them….for their benefit, opinion, comfort and capacity.

It was always for them.

Our fears, our disappointments, our disagreements were too much for THEM to handle…they couldn’t handle their own; holding ours in strength, tenderness, consistency and assurance was just too big a job.

It was/is nothing personal; but the need remains.

Self care looks like allowing that part of you that’s feeling it, to tear their clothes, grovel in the dust, and crawl down the rabbit hole of self doubt & hopelessness all the way….

All. The. Way.

And then……

Another part wraps them up in strong loving arms and whispers “I hear you. I understand. Of course you feel that way; it makes perfect sense. What do you need right now?”

And sometimes, all they need is to lie on the kitchen floor.

So you lie down with them, without judgment or preoccupation.

And you wait.

And then, you allow some more…

You allow yourself to trust that YOU can handle you, even though they couldn’t.

You allow yourself to trust that it’s only the feeling we don’t allow, that causes the trouble.

You allow yourself to remember that you’ve survived worse than a meltdown on a kitchen floor on a Wednesday, and it’s all perfectly safe, and you have all the time you need for this passing moment.

And finally, you allow yourself to trust that there’s no work more important than the work of re-parenting yourself….