Do you get "little" in hard conversations?
“What you said, about getting SMALL when having hard conversations with your partner….I DO that all the time!! It feels like I’m talking to my Dad! What IS that about?!”
My friend said this to me this morning, after seeing one of my posts on Instagram.
What I shared resonated with her COMPLETELY, and I know it probably resonates with you too, so lemme tell you what that whole “getting small” thing is all about……
But I’m going to warn you…it’s mind bending stuff that will disrupt the way you see yourself, which will change EVERYTHING, so I’ll take it slow, 5 little steps at a time:
- You are NOT a singular Self; the latest data in consciousness studies and therapeutics, points to a “multiple self aspect” framework that posits that the “You” you think you are, is actually a collection of “yous” (not that I needed to read “the white pages” to know this was true, cuz it’s been pretty evident to me for years. But when the science starts to back up your observations, it’s pretty cool)
- Your various selves are contextual; they present in specific environments, while interacting within specific types of relationships, and have specific needs/desires, in addition to having their own self perceptions. (You feel like a little kid in some situations because, in some situations, you IDENTIFY with the version of yourself that believes it IS a kid)
- NONE of this is pathological….this isn’t a “Sybil” situation and you don’t have D.I.D. ( or what used to be called multiple personality disorder) Mental health experts, like Dr. Richard Schwartz, are leading the charge of normalizing this multifaceted reality we all experience, through data-driven modalities like Inner Family Systems and “parts” theory.
- While there are “parts” or “selves” to you, with no singular static personality, you DO have a witness conscious or a “Self Energy” (from Dr. Schwartz) that can be accessed and relied upon to be your grounding center…sort of like “an inner loving parent”)
- You can learn to “plug in” to this Self Energy/witness/Soul center, and consciously choose what part/self you want to embody in any situation, instead of having a part/self show up habitually, and “take over” based on the past. (This is what being integrated is all about!)
If I haven’t lost you yet, congratulations; you’re ready for the good news!
THE GOOD NEWS:
Your self doubt, self judgment, self criticism, people-pleasing, and self abandoning ways, that drain your energy, embarrasses you, and makes you feel unloveable….it belongs to PARTS of you.
And it’s only when you’re identifying as THOSE PARTS, instead of identifying as Self Energy/Witness Consciousness/Soul, that those nasty beliefs & behaviors feel inevitable, powerful and true!
Is this coming through clearly?
When you identify as the Self energy/Witness consciousness/Soul, you see those beliefs arise, but you don’t “put them on”.
You don’t have to feel like shit because you believe you’re an imposter.
You don’t have to feel ashamed because you believe you’re a people-pleaser.
You don’t have to feel like a small kid when you’re having those tough conversations with your partner.
You don’t have to have all your energy sucked into relationship drama.
You GET to choose how to see yourself, how you show up in any given moment, and you GET to choose how you want to feel about what you experience.
You experience what you CHOOSE…….you see what you believe, and you believe what you see.
Do you SEE?
It all begins and ends with you! YOU are the alpha & the omega, babe.
This is the difference between being an ACTOR in your Life, versus being an re-actor; the difference between being creative and being pushed around.
THIS multiple self aspect framework is at the cutting edge of healing modalities; we’re not talking about some hippydippy—shit coming out of a van in Fresno.
Doing the work to connect with, and learn to identify as, the Self Center, or witness consciousness, or Soul, changes the way you see yourself.
And your self-perception is the foundation upon which your Life stands; if you’re short on self trust, self confidence and self love, it’s gonna show in the quality of the Life you lead…..as within, so without.
This is the work I do with my clients; to explore how I might be able to support you, book a free consult on my calendar above.
But in the meantime, I urge you not to wait to exploring these concepts! Parts theory, internal family systems, etc. are rich arenas of healing, but also, check the concepts below.
The internet is magic; everything you need to learn can be found there.....
Start by focusing on these concepts:
- A clear understanding of human development
- How your beliefs & behaviors (personality) came to exist
- Building a relationship with your parts, based on self compassion & curiosity
- Tools & techniques for strengthening beliefs & behaviors that serve your highest self concept, as well as releasing those that no longer serve
- Emotional self awareness
- The ability to ground yourself and soothe your nervous system
- Effective communication skills that serves your needs with clarity and respect
- Self forgiveness
- Self trust
- Self Love
If you’ve made it this far, you’re ready to do the deep inner work that will give you a quantum leap in your sense of self trust, self love and freedom.
Let me know how I can help!
So excited for “all of you!”
Love,
Stephanie
